


Hotel rooms, broken relationships.

by Notacoolgirl



Category: Vis a Vis | Locked In (Spain TV)
Genre: AU, Angst, Angst and Drama, Completed, Exes, F/F, Feelings, Hot, Hotel Sex, Intense, Lesbian Sex, LotsOfFeelings, Sex, Short Story, Toxic Relationship, Vis a Vis: El oasis, Zurena, sadhours
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-30
Updated: 2020-12-30
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:20:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,301
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28422345
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Notacoolgirl/pseuds/Notacoolgirl
Summary: "Zulema had wanted to wrap her fingers around Maca’s blonde waves and throw her in bed. But she wouldn’t, she couldn’t, that’s not what the blonde wanted, not what she needed. So instead, she kissed Maca, slowly, deeply; she owned her with her lips, she kissed with startling desire and a dash of danger, with love and toxicity, and that was unapologetic who they were, what their relationship meant."Or the short story AU where they are "exes" caught in a toxic relationshipt that they can't get away from.
Relationships: Macarena Ferreiro/Zulema Zahir
Comments: 27
Kudos: 61





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The song that inspired me to do this was 'The Dazzler' by Ex:RE. You don't have to listen but I do believe that it helps set the tone. 
> 
> Warnings: Angst, Sexual content, Curse words, the writting might be trash. 
> 
> If you enjoy this, take a second and leave a comment.

Maca looked at her own reflection for what felt like hours, but it had been only for a few minutes. She thought that she looked different, unusual, perhaps even unrecognizable.

She applied the lipstick that she loved, the one that had a soft cherry smell and cherry taste.

Taking herself in, her appearance was incredible, she had never been as beautiful as she was right then. Even though her eyes had visible dark-circles under it and she was thinner than before, even though her hair had grown long and messy, even when she couldn’t find the sparkle that had always been visible behind her hazel-eyes, even then; She looked more beautiful than ever.

She put the lipstick by the sink counter and for a few seconds she got caught in her thoughts, staring at the granite counter and being completely still inside the hotel room’s bathroom. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath when her thoughts lead her to memories she has been trying to leave behind. If only her heart wasnt as weak as it is, if only she had stronger will, if only she was the only owner of her body and mind, perhaps then, she could let the past rest in peace and give them the fresh start that they both deserved _._

She looked up at the mirror again, she looked deep inside her eyes and she couldn’t see anything there, nothing but a small reflection of a stranger staring at a mirror.

“You’re someone else” She whispered, reaching out and touching the reflector.

She heard her phone buzz in the room and she finally left the mirror that had been holding her attention for longer than it should. She walked-in to the spacious room but didn’t bother to check her phone that kept buzzing with new notifications, she knew who it was from and she was not interested in getting it.

She knew that if it were important, the woman would call instead of texting.

Maca passed by the queen-sized bed and the large lounge area and went towards the recamier, where she stepped over it and lifted herself to sit at the wooden edge of the window, letting her body rest against the cold glass. She looked at the view and let the tension in her body slowly melt away, she allowed the city night-lights to erase, or at least diminish, the tiredness and regret that seemed to never leave her alone nowadays.

_Except for_ _when she’s here._

And as if on cue, she heard the beeping at the door and the doorknob being turned, then it came the precise steps, the signature-walk of the one woman who, unlike herself, seemed to always know where she intended to arrive. She didn’t mind to look towards the intruder, she continued to stare out the window, just for a while longer, just for a bit more of the cold comfort that the heartless city offered at those late hours.

She heard the woman coming closer and felt her body already starting to react. It was completely chemical, whenever the woman was around, whenever their bodies were too close, her senses went wild and everything in her reacted in ways that she never even knew were possible. Sometimes she would be able to tell when the woman was arriving solely based on the goosebumps that would arise in her skin and the way that breathing would suddenly feel like it was something that didn’t came naturally.

She felt her skin get warmer way before she felt the touch that she’d been longing for, she felt her heart flutter way before the woman’s smell dominated all the air around her.

She leaned her face against the window and let the cold suppress the burning in her cheeks, she spread her knees apart but kept her eyes on the view. Even when slender fingers danced on her skin, even when that warm touch kept going higher and higher on her legs, even when she felt those demanding hands reach her underwear, and then reach inside of it.

She took deeper breaths, her eyes dilated to being almost as black as the woman’s hair, her legs twitched, and her skin felt as if it was being set on fire, but she still didn’t turn from looking at the view. The brunette touched her with the precision of a surgeon, her fingers moved in patterns that made Macarena wonder if the woman was reading her mind for instructions.

She wondered when was the exact moment that the woman had become so familiar with her body. 

It didn’t really matter, all that was important was the way that her body came to life under that heavenly touch. She closed her eyes and her lips fell open when she felt one finger slip inside of her, she finally felt what she had been craving for days now: a breath of life.

She bit her lip when another finger joined the one currently making her inside tighten in pleasure. She wanted to cry out, she just wasn’t sure if it would be about how good Zulema made her body feel, or about the fact that she had once again caved to her lust and had called the woman. Either way, she chose to focus on how Zulema knew what she wanted without having to hear her say it, or perhaps; the woman could hear her even in the dead silence.

Maca needed something to make her feel alive, she needed those moments where she wasn’t expected to be in control, she needed those few hours where she could let herself go completely and she could let someone else take charge, someone that she trusted enough to allow her body to turn off the state of constant alert. And Zulema just needed to feel close to someone, she needed the warmth, she needed the surrender, and she needed the purpose that the blonde gave to her, that’s why it didn’t mattered how much they fought it; they would always find their way back to each other. 

In a lot of ways, they completed one another like no one else ever would. And in a lot of ways, they ruined one another like no one else ever would.

Zulema’s fingers continued to pick up speed, and Maca started to voice her pleasure through breathy moans after Zulema’s thumb found it’s way to her most sensitive spot. She finally pulled her face away from the window and looked at the brunette. When their eyes met it was like two deer caught each other crossing the highway; They were immediately drawn to one another, like they’ve been magnetized and they could do nothing but look, but search and penetrate the others gaze.

The vulnerability that they couldn’t hide anymore, was too much for the other to handle, or to even accept and so they always fled before things got too honest, before they were put in a spot where they wouldn’t be able to pretend anymore, a spot where their reality would break them.

Maca was the first one to break away from the brutal honesty of that moment. She leaned in and caught Zulema’s lips against her own, knowing that being that close, and allowing Zulema to possess her in every possible way, was the only way to forget how much it hurt to be in her presence, how much it hurt to need her, to want her, _to love her_.

So Instead of recognizing her feelings, she allowed them to be shut down by Zulema’s mouth, by her touch, her smell, her warmth, her familiarity. She broke out of the kiss when the way that Zulema’s fingers moved inside of her started to feel too good to withstand, she reached for the woman’s wrists, but she didn’t stop its movements, she just let her hand rest above the skin that felt so electrifying against hers, silently letting Zulema know that she couldn’t handle roughness that night, she needed it to be slow, she wanted comfort and quiet, she craved gentleness.

The brunette seemed to understand as she stopped moving completely and removed her hand from Maca’s underwear and proceeded to caress her thighs instead. Zulema looked at her own hands as it moved above cream-colored skin, she took in every detail of her partner’s body; the way that goosebumps rose at every part that she touched, the coldness of her, the way that her pale skin stood out against the vivacious red of her party dress, the way her chest rose and fell and how her heartbeat could be seen on her neck arterial, and most of all, the way that she kept trying to hide the despair behind her eyes, the one that seemed to be growing, little by little, but consistently, making itself more visible each time they met.

Maca noticed how Zulema’s eyes wondered all over her body, how those green pools of mystery looked at her as if she was see through. She closed her eyes and turned her face to the side, to rest against the cold glass once again.

Zulema let her hand travel from the blonde’s thigh to her hip, to her waist, her breasts, her nipples, her face. She ran her hand over Maca’s features as a blind person would, she wanted to see the woman with each and every one of her senses.

She took her hands away from the blonde for a second, just so she could remove her oversized hoodie before the heat became unbearable, but soon she returned to wondering on the woman’s skin. Her hand made its way down and when she got to the warmth between Maca’s thighs again, she reached for the silky red panties and gently pulled it down, carefully watching the soaked material slip down milky-colored thighs, over red scarpins, that she had just now noticed, and then she let it fall to the floor. She looked up at the blonde again and saw that the woman still had her eyes closed and her face turned to the side, even though her breathing and her heartbeat had picked up.

Zulema let one hand travel from the blonde’s ankle to her thigh, slowly going up until she finally reached her destination and felt the warmth and wetness surround her fingers. She closed her own eyes and let Maca’s subtle trembling become more obvious beneath her digits, she allowed Maca’s smell to invade her body and her sounds to be the only thing that she heard, she wanted to feel the other woman on every atom of her being.

The blonde was the only person in the world that could make her feel good, she was also the only person in the world that could make her feel out of control, and for that, didn’t matter how good it felt to be near her, Zulema always tried to keep herself as detached as she could when she was around.

But sometimes, in moments like this, there wasn’t a single thing in the world that she desired more than losing control with the blonde.

She backed away and bent until her lips could reach and kiss Maca’s skin, she planted the sweetest kiss just above her knee. she wasn’t usually into softness during sex, but when she was with Maca nothing that happened was usual, especially sex.

Sex with the blonde was not something that Zulema took lightly, it was different from everything she had ever done, it was almost sacred. she would give everything that the woman needed, everything that she wanted, for as long as she was allowed, and in return, she would get everything that she'd been looking for ever since she was a young woman; tenderness, belonging, love, a home.

She kissed Maca's skin over and over, going higher and higher, pulling the long red dress along as her kisses moved up, until it reached the woman’s upper thigh and wouldn’t go any further. At least, not until Maca pushed her hips up from the wooden edge that she was sitting on and allowed Zulema to push the dress further up.

Zulema kissed Maca’s lower stomach then, and even layered by tick fabric, she could feel Macarena tremble under her lips. She moved down, kissing her path to Maca’s sex, when she reached it she let her tongue move with intense need, but at the same time with so much care. She closed her eyes again and let the woman’s taste be only thing that her body could feel, the breathy moans were the only thing that she heard, and the wetness dripping from Maca’s core was the only thing that she craved. She looked up for a second and let herself take in the expression on the blonde’s face, her closed eyes and lips slightly parted, her eyebrow raised, and her skin flushed; She was the one person that Zulema would never get tired of seeing.

Maca’s eyes shot open when Zulema’s tongue penetrated her in a swift move, her mouth opened but no sound came out, one of her hands made its way to Zulema’s head and her fingernails caressed her scalp as she formed a fist over dark strands of hair. She resisted the need to look down and hold the woman’s gaze against her own, and instead she watched the dark sky and the bright lights of the faraway buildings that decorated the city, her heart skipped a beat and her brows furrowed even deeper when Zulema replaced her mouth by two long fingers inside of her and moved her skilled tongue to dance over her sensitive bundle of nerves. She wanted to cry out at how good it felt, but instead, she just cried.

She couldn’t help the tears that escaped her eyes, she couldn’t help that she was torn between her desire for this to never end and her regret about having started at all. 

Her body began to shake, first her stomach, then her hips and legs, it wasn’t long before her orgasm leaked out of her and straight into Zulema’s mouth. Her tears hadn’t stopped coming as her body did.

Her body twisted with aftershocks as the brunette was set on getting every drop of her orgasm before she stopped moving her tongue.

Zulema came up after a second and she wasn’t surprised when she saw the tears in Macarena’s face. She knew all about this, it was what they did, what they would continue to do until one of them would be strong enough to stop the vicious circle or until both of them accepted their relationship for what it was and stopped trying to resist or change it.

She sucked her fingers clean of the blonde’s orgasm, that had always tasted like heaven to her, and watched as more tears escaped from the woman’s eyes, she reached and wiped away at the fresh tears before pulling Maca’s face away from the window.

The blonde was reluctant to look at the brunette; she looked at the floor, at Zulema’s boots, her black t-shirt, everywhere until she finally found the courage to look at the woman’s face, her eyes.

Maca’s hazel jewels were even more obvious against the redness that the tears had caused.

The first thing Zulema had noticed about Maca when they met were her eyes, they were fierce but also the most innocent and kind eyes that she had ever seen. There was no innocence left there anymore, not after all that they put each other through.

Zulema let her fingers swipe away at yet another set of tears that flew from Maca’s eyes. They continued to stare at one another, and her eyes asked if she should go, if they were done for tonight and the best thing that she could do to stop Maca’s tears from overflowing would be to leave.

Maca’s eyes set on her lips, then on her covered chest, and that’s all the answer that she needed, the one that she hoped for.

She led her hands away from Maca’s face and found the bottom of her own t-shirt, she pulled it over her head and let it fall to the floor, letting her upper body be completely exposed to the blonde who had already decorated every single scar on her, inside and out.

Maca’s eyes roamed over Zulema’s skin and then went back to her face. She wondered how it was possible to want the woman with that much intensity even when she knew that they weren’t good together. Her eyes were glued to Zulema’s green ones, she let one hand move towards the woman’s face and let her fingertips carefully reach in, but before she could touch her, the woman hesitated and gripped her wrists with startling strength as if she was afraid that Maca’s touch would burn her.

it was heartbreaking how after four years of their intense and wild relationship, there were times when the woman was still afraid of being touched, times when she was still wary of even the most well-intended caress, times when she was much like a wild animal, one that has been captured and abused, she was suspicious and always ready to strike out.

But Maca has learned to not be scared and not give up after the first try, so when Zulema let go of her wrist she moved in again, this time slower. The woman still hesitated, but this time she didn’t stop Maca. The blonde first touched the bridge of her nose, letting her finger slide over it, then her brow bone, cheekbone and finally her lips, she let her fingertips glide over it, ever so lightly, she watched as Zulema’s eyes flicked down for a second to watch her movements.

Maca let her hand travel down to Zulema’s neck, she felt the woman’s heartbeat, and with light, fleeting touches, she felt her thick collarbones and then moved lower, letting her fingers move over harden nipples. Maca watched as she closed her eyes, she carefully let her fingers dance over her soft breasts and enjoyed the sigh that left the woman’s mouth when she pinched one of her nipples.

Maca stopped her wondering fingers and let them fall away from Zulema’s body, Zulema opened her eyes and found Maca’s glare again.

They looked at one another and Zulema moved closer to maca, pulling her down from the window seat and kissing her like she intended to possess her. She turned them around so that she had her back to the window and Maca had her back to the rest of the hotel room. She started to walk them towards the bed without breaking away from their kiss.

When they got to the bed, Zulema opened the zipper by the right side of the red dress that Maca was wearing, and she reached for each streps and pulled them down from Maca’s arms, watching as the bright fabric fell to the floor. She went down and removed her combat boots before carefully removing each of the heels from the blonde’s feet. She kissed her way up, enjoying the way that Maca’s breathing picked up with each new kissed that she applied to the soft skin before her.

When they were both at the same height again, Zulema had wanted to wrap her fingers around Maca’s blonde waves and throw her in bed. But she wouldn’t, she couldn’t, that’s not what the blonde wanted, not what she needed. So instead, she kissed Maca, slowly, deeply; she owned her with her lips, she kissed with startling desire and a dash of danger, with love and toxicity, and that was unapologetic who they were, what their relationship meant.

Zulema lowered Maca into bed and watched as the woman pushed herself back until her body could properly fit the large mattress. Zulema thought that she looked like an angel would, with her blonde waves against the white pillows, her big hazels eyes looking back at her partner and her waist accentuated by the warm light of the room as she was laying on her side, one hand under her face and the other laying against the sheets, waiting for her lover to join her, to give her a bit of life.

Zulema wanted to just stay there and look at the blonde for the whole night, take her in, all of her. But she needed more, she needed to touch, to taste, to feel. She got on the bed and crawled her way to her lover. When her face was hovering above Maca’s, she used one hand to touch her face, just like the blonde had touched hers, carefully running her fingertips through sculptured features.

They locked eyes, the warm glow around them made it even more personal, it was like their eyes were saying everything that they weren’t brave enough to voice.

Maca parted her legs and pulled Zulema down, so that the brunette’s body was now laying on top of hers. She wrapped her legs around Zulema’s hips and closed her eyes as their skin came into contact again. She let her hands travel up and down on the brunette's back, and she felt goosebumps rise on her own skin when Zulema’s hands travel from her thighs to her waist, gripping her with care and greed, while simultaneously feeling the woman’s nipples brush against hers.

She pushed one of her legs higher and Zulema hands lowered to her knee and held her close, their foreheads met, and their breathing was soft as they started to grind against each other.

They moved lazily, enjoying the closeness of their bodies and trying to do this different from all the other times, trying to see if they tried something less desperate, if they allowed their minds and bodies to connect in a less wild way, if then, they would be able to hold each other without hurting themselves.

Maca’s hands roamed Zulema’s body, dancing through her skin, lightly scratching her lower back, carefully touching her soft stomach, feeling every one of her ribs, praising her breasts and loving her nipples with her fingertips. They moved with passion, as if they weren’t broken, as if their love wasn’t cursed.

Maca let of one her hands slide down, feeling the tightening of Zulema’s lower stomach as her fingers passed by it and went towards the band of her pants, she got inside of the brunette’s pants second before getting inside of her, thankful that the woman’s wetness allowed her to easily sink-in. She felt Zulema’s teeth cut into her collarbone and she closed her eyes, biting her lips to stop the groan from scaping her. She pulled her fingers out until just the tips were in, then she pushed back and felt the woman’s walls constrict around her digits, she also felt her heart skip a beat and a sort of nostalgic feeling hit her.

Her eyes stung with tears that she refused to acknowledge as she once again realized that there was nothing in this world that made her feel quite as alive as being with the brunette did, and at the same time, there was nothing in this world that could make her feel quite as low as being in this relationship did.

She pushed those thoughts away, or she used them to fuel her desire to feel something else, either way, she let go of it and focused on Zulema, or the things that she appreciated the most in that moment; Zulema’s nipples scraping against her chest, the feeling of Zulema’s walls pulsing against her fingers, the woman’s hushed moans, Zulema’s soft lips that were planting soft kisses to her chest. Those were all the things that she thought about as she started to move her fingers with more purpose.

Zulema opened her eyes and furrowed her eyebrows, Macarena’s fingers were hitting all the right spots as she moved. She lifted her face away from the woman’s chest and her gaze searched for Maca’s. When she saw that the blonde had her eyes closed, she moved her hand until she could wrap her fingers around the woman’s throat and sure enough, her eyes shot open and immediately, they found themselves staring at one another.

Not breaking eye-contact, Maca increased the speed of her fingers and her thumb found its way to the spot that would amplify the pleasure going through her partner’s body. She started to make circles and press lightly against it while her fingers continue to move inside. The moans coming from Zulema was the most delicious thing that she had ever heard. Her free hand went for Zulema’s breast and she played with one of her nipples, her eyes still locked in green ones, and she mirrored Zulema’s expression. They both had their eyebrows furrowed and their lips slightly parted. Zulema felt like her body was catching on fire, every nerve on her was at the edge of a beautiful explosion, her toes were curling, her lower stomach was trembling and sweat was breaking out on her forehead, while Macarena could feel herself leaking into the sheets, her own toes were curling, and she could swear that she felt her entire body pulsing with desire as she brought Zulema closer to coming.

Zulema let a moan scape from her lips and started to push back against Maca’s fingers when the pleasure cursing through her body became almost unbearable. She quickly let go of Maca’s throat and moved that hand down, using her fingers to penetrate Maca in a swift move. She curled her fingertips and started to move back and forth inside the woman’s drenched walls.

The blonde let one leg fall away from Zulema’s hips and used her feet to push down on her pants, she stopped playing with the brunette’s nipples and used that hand to get the pants away from Zulema’s body, they were frantically moving inside one another and the need to feel Zulema’s bare skin against hers became all-consuming as they got closer to coming.

When Maca couldn’t get her pants off, Zulema groaned and quickly removed her fingers from the blonde and pulled Maca’s hands away from her, groaning in frustration, but making a quick move to get out of her pants and return to their activities. She pushed the pants completely off and threw it down on the floor. 

Zulema guided Maca’s hand back to her core and let the blonde take it from there, as her own hand found its ways back to Maca and penetrated her again. She opened her mouth in a silent scream when Maca picked up at the same pace as before, making all of her muscles constrict at once from the intensity of it. The blonde wrapped one leg around her hips again and let the other rest against the sheet, which allowed Zulema to raise one of her own legs and push herself up a little, her knee resting just besides Maca’s hip, the new angle making Maca’s fingers hit spots that made her want cry, or scream, from the amount of pleasure that came of it.

They worked restlessly to make the other come, their fingers moved at incredible pace and their bodies pushed against the other’s hand as sweat broke on their foreheads. The room seemed to spin as their walls started to clench and their bodies started to shake. They locked eyes and dared each other to not stop, not now, not for anything in this world.

Zulema’s free hand went for Maca’s throat and Maca’s free hand went for Zulema’s hair, they squeezed and pulled while their fingers twisted and demanded the other to come.

Maca’s throat hurt and the air almost couldn’t pass through, but her walls pulsed intently around Zulema’s fingers.

Zulema’s scalp burned and ached, but her pleasure dripped from between her legs and into the sheets.

And that was just them, giving pleasure and pain at once. In the midst of the desperate fucking and intense gazes, they saw each other clearly. They didn’t know how to love without hurting, they didn’t know how to enjoy something without pain, they didn’t know how to be together without the choking and the pulling, the biting and the scratching, the kicking and the screaming. Even when they wanted something gentle and soft, even when they’d previously agreed on it, they would, without a doubt, find a way to make it rough and heavy, they couldn’t get there if they didn’t hurt the other, even if just a little. 

This was their relationship, affection and affliction, intimacy and dishonor. It was them, both firebreathers, they were like a forest fire and there was no in-between for them, none could be the calm rain that the other needed, and as such, they burned and crashed, they always would, no matter how much they wanted it to be different; they could never be anything if not who they were, and for that, they were always meant to end in ashes.

The blonde moaned and pulled harder on dark strands of hair when Zulema used her thumb to keep pressure on the woman’s bundle of nerves while keeping her fingers curled and pushing against Maca’s front wall. Maca mirrored Zulema’s movements and they both cried out. Maca let go of Zulema’s hair and moved her hand down, scratching the brunette's back instead.

Zulema let go of Maca’s throat and moved her hand up to grip the woman’s jaw, the blonde moved her leg up from Zulema’s hips to her waist and Zulema did the same, green eyes and hazels eyes practically burning holes in the other, both wanting to allow the other to get as deep as possible, in every conceivable way. 

Looking at one another, not closing their eyes for a second, eyebrows deeply furrowed, and lips parted, bodies moving of their own accord, walls gripping and releasing, heartbeat out of the charts, and tears flowing with no contempt. They came, as they lived; in between euphoric feelings and hidden pain.


	2. Chapter 2

Some time, and a few orgasms later, Zulema sat in the bed fully clothed and drying her wet hair with a towel, having left the shower a few minutes ago. She watched the blonde through the glass walls of the bathroom that allowed a clear view of the shower stall. She looked down at her boots that were in the floor in front of her, waiting to be picked up and put on, and she looked back to the blonde wondering if she should just go now, leave and do things as they always did; pretending that the moment of weakness never happened, and pretending that there wouldn’t be a next time.

She reached down and got one of the boots, realizing that trying to change things now, wouldn’t change anything. But when she looked up, her eyes caught the blonde’s glare; Maca had turned towards her and watched her as droplets of water ran down her body, her expression was blank and she wasn’t trying to covey any feelings to Zulema, she wasn’t asking her to stay and she wasn’t telling her to go. She was just looking.

Zulema watched her and let the combat boot fall to the floor again, they looked at the other for a few moments longer, then Maca turned away. The blonde looked up at the shower stall and let the drops of water wash her thoughts away, as Zulema got up from the bed and went towards the mini bar, deciding that she would stay after all, she picked up a mini bottle of vodka and moved until she settled herself at the same spot that the blonde had been when she had first entered the room, sitting against the edge of the glass window and drinking vodka while watching the night sky slowly becoming less black and more blue.

They have been doing this for a long time, but it wasn’t supposed to be like this.

The blonde had been the one to call off on their relationship and as much as it had hurt, she got the memo. She understood that they weren’t good for each other, neither of them had ever been taught what was the right way of loving someone, _she_ had never known a love that hadn’t hurt her, and they were just wrong; two broken people trying to make a relationship work, was nothing but a failure waiting to happen. If only she could make herself think that clearly whenever the blonde would call, if only she could lie and make herself believe that her whole soul didn’t light up at even the thought of being together again, but she couldn’t, couldn’t lie to herself and could never resist her Rubia; not before, not now, not in a million of years. Their fates had been joined and she figured that, now, the only thing strong enough to tear them apart, was death. She just wished it could feel different, she wished it felt less heavy, less wrong, and most of all, less lonely.

She watched the sparkling lights before her eyes and she downed the clear liquid, enjoying the burning that the alcohol provided. She heard Maca’s wet feet walking through the room, she heard her opening the mini bar and she heard her pulling on her dress. She looked back when she saw, from the corner of her eyes, Maca laying in bed.

Maca opened the mini bottle of bourbon and downed it in one gulp before sliding further down on the bed, she turned to her side and watched the brunette as the brunette watched her. The bed smelled like them and she allowed it to fill her every sense.

Zulema jumped down from her seat and walked back towards the mini bar, she picked another bottle of vodka and one of bourbon, she looked at Maca and raised her eyebrows, the blonde nodded and so she moved back to bed with both mini bottles in her hand. She sat herself at the right side of bed and leaned against the backrest as her legs were stretched in bed. She looked down to her side and gave the bottle to Maca who propped herself up on her elbows while she opened and drank half the liquid in one gulp again, then she put the bottle to rest by the bedside table. The blonde laid back down and once Zulema finished her drink, she did the same.

Maca couldn’t help but think about what they were doing to each other, not allowing the other to move on and keeping themselves in this terrible place that they couldn’t seem to get away from.

When she had first met Zulema she had thought that the woman would be everything that her life needed in order to be good, and she had wanted to be the one person that would always know how to make the serious woman smile and be the one who always aimed to make the woman be genuinely happy; she wondered how they were able to fuck things up so badly. Maybe it was the fact that Zulema and her were so alike in so many ways, or maybe it was simply the fact that they needed each other way more than any person should ever need another.

She didn’t have to look at Zulema to know that the woman was thinking the same; they weren’t what they wanted anymore, they were just what they needed. They were no longer good and no longer right, that is, if they had ever been any of those things at all.

They both knew that they should get up right then, they should get their things and leave, they should go separate ways and not look back. But instead, Maca moved until her head was laying on Zulema’s chest, and she could allow the woman’s heartbeat to calm her thoughts, and Zulema didn’t flinch like she usually would. The brunette just let one hand rest beneath her head in the pillow and looked up at the white ceiling that was illuminated by warm orange light and the natural light coming from the window as the day was already starting to break.

They stayed that way, with Maca quietly laying on Zulema’s chest, hearing her heartbeat and trying to ignore her feelings, while Zulema was looking up at the ceiling, trying to shut down her flee mode. They were just pretending for a while.

“Can you feel it?” Maca whispered and Zulema closed her eyes.

“Feel what?” she whispered back, even though she knew that the only correct answer was _yes, on every nerve endings, every bone of my body._ They were just pretending for a while.

“Our demise” Maca breathed out and closed her eyes. Trying to pretended that she didn’t feel that something catastrophic was about to hit.

Zulema felt the tears stung so she squinted her eyes and pursed her lip, not giving it permission to fall. Yes, she could feel it. If not _their_ demise; her own. But not for at least a couple more months, so she just held her Rubita and let themselves be.

They were quiet, Zulema’s hands caressed Maca’s hair and Maca’s hand rest against Zulema’s stomach. They barely breathed as they allowed themselves to enjoy the other’s warmth, allowed themselves to be connected inside room 232 of the fancy hotel, they pushed away the fear that crippled them, and instead they allowed their relationship to be something different from what it was, better, with more affection and less anger, more care, and more mindfulness, more of who they wanted to be and less of who they were. Zulema allowed it to be more time, and less death.

_They were just pretending for a while._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> let me know what you thought.


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